London Lingo
in the
Limelight

by

Kelly Kent

Wheelchair access recommendations

Upon arrival at the London Heathrow Airport, we found a wheelchair accessible loo (I’ve decided to use as much British terminology as possible). After a tiresome, 11-hour flight, I didn't mind however many strangers-- not in wheelchairs-- walked into the very accessible unisex bathroom.

Using a ramp (found in every taxi), I rolled right in the vehicle that had room for everyone, including our five pieces of luggage. A heavily accented taxi driver took us to the Marriott County Hall in Westminster.

Conveniently located by Big Ben, a Starbucks, and some moderately appetizing restaurants, the former County Hall building entrance is preceded by stairs. The lift, of course, was broken so the bellmen (sometimes) set up a portable ramp. This was the first Jenny-n-Kelly trip my dad had come on, and a 20-year accumulation of Marriott points was used for a weeklong holiday in spacious, adjoining, wheelchair accessible rooms, one of which had a roll-in-shower!

I felt so British when our driver (Nick) picked us up in a Mercedes-Benz. The only thing missing was two tiny British flags by the logo on the front of the car. With the wheelchair in the boot, we headed to Stonehenge, Salisbury, and Bath. Keeping with tradition, we captured a picture of our knackered mother sleeping in the Benz. If only we had captured a sound clip!

We quickly learned at Stonehenge that looking at rocks in a circle isn’t too exciting! Remembering it was a prehistoric monument turned out to be a challenge since the freeway was within close proximity. It is believed that ancient people mapped the course of the sun in order to tell time. Theories involving rope and some strong men helped to construct the rock formation. Human sacrifices are also believed to have taken place here. There are burial mounds surrounding the monument, where it is suspected that ancient leaders were buried.

Visiting Salisbury was of great importance because my maternal grandmother came from the Salisbury line. It was crazy to think we may have walked in the exact same cathedral as some of our ancestors help build. The Salisbury Cathedral, completed in 1220 in the Early English Gothic style, took 38 years to build. The extremely long cathedral holds many records: Britain’s tallest spire (404 ft), Britain’s earliest surviving complete set of choir stalls, largest cathedral cloisters in Britain, and maintains Europe’s oldest working clock (1386). Don’t ask me why, but they have an original copy of the Magna Carta.

Touring Bath was particularly a treat since Jane Austen lived there during her life. I’ve been referred to as a Pride and Prejudice Nazi, but I would rather call myself an ardent fan of Jane Austen’s writings. Although Jane Austen found Bath to be disagreeable, I found felicity in everything about Bath. We walked where people walked in 860 B.C. at the Roman Baths. Audio guides gave us insight into the great Bath as we saw it from the terrace. The great Bath is fed with water from the Sacred Spring, which enabled Romans to take a relaxing dip in the warm water. While my parents and Jenny toured the lower level, Nick and I met some amiable men who volunteered to be of assistance going down a few steps. I was bummed that the virtual tour, shown to those unable to take stairs, was not working.

Dining at the Pump Room, a historic restaurant opened in 1795, was not exactly what we had in mind but Nick recommended it. He suggested the soup, ironically the cheapest thing on the menu. When we heard that the only soup they served was pea soup, we all declined to order it. I had chicken and delicious mashed potatoes, while everyone had overpriced salads. Even though the purchased water from the hot springs is alleged to have curative properties, we did not finish the glass of water. The water tasted warm and old and I am still in a wheelchair!

Before sundown, we quickly wandered through Bath Abbey, a cathedral built throughout the 7th and 16th centuries. I only remember being amazed by the fan vaulting. Before leaving Bath, we drove by the Royal Crescent, a residential road that is shaped in a crescent. The road comprises thirty homes that were built between 1767 and 1774. It was as if we had stepped into a Jane Austen novel, when we saw the beautiful architecture of the Royal Crescent.

Back in London, we shared a light meal for dinner. More importantly, we shared lemon and chocolate desserts. The chocolate pudding was excellent!

We slept until noon the next day, trying to make up for jet lag. Staying close to our hotel, we walked to the London Eye, Europe's largest ferris wheel. Constructed for the millennium celebration, Londoners call the London Eye an “Eye Sore.” I think the Eye Sore is quite beautiful! It reaches 443 feet, and each compartment holds 25 people who can see panoramic views of the city. During the half hour ride, it was difficult not to notice the couple snogging one another. Get a flat!

Recommended by a friend, we watched a session of parliament. Just like he said, “It was a hoot!” Because of the sophisticated language and amusing retorts spoken with British accents, the debate almost seemed scripted. A couple of times, I thought a row was going to take place! I particularly remember a demeaning conversation between a male representative of the government and a female representative of the public. The man replied to the woman’s criticisms of the government by saying, ‘Even though you are criticizing my side, I could listen to you talk forever because you have such a beautiful voice.’ Goodnight!

My least favorite place we visited was probably Westminster Abbey. It was beautiful from the outside, but a little creepy on the inside. Famous kings and queens are buried in the cathedral. Some of their coffins are topped off with molded images of their bodies. Founded in the 10th century, Westminster Abbey is not very wheelchair friendly. I wasn’t annoyed at all that the cathedral is not fully accessible, because I wasn’t very interested in looking at old, odd coffins.

This past October, all of the Kent girls traveled to Los Angeles with a group of ladies from church. We had such a wonderful time at the Pantages Theatre, that three months later we found ourselves turning into Wicked groupies. I have to wonder why Wicked lost to Jersey Boys for Best Musical at the Tony’s, when Wicked has great songs, exemplary characters, and a thought provoking story with contemporary themes. London's Elphaba was not even in the same league as L.A.’s Eden Espinosa! She is brilliant!! London’s Gelinda was truly trying to play the role of a ditzy blonde. When she became too occupied with acting, her British accent was heard, which was altogether strange! It was quite noticeable during the duet “What Is This Feeling”. As soon as Fiero made his entrance, I couldn’t help but giggle. My, what a lad he was!

Located in Surrey which is 25 miles south of London, the temple was originally dedicated in 1958 by President David O. McKay. Sadly, we did not meet the dishy, single Englishman I had pictured sitting outside the London England Temple. We did, however, meet a nice gentleman who informed us he volunteered to make sure the pikey did not steal any remodeling equipment. Whilst exploring the 32-acre site, we saw the 40-room Elizabethan mansion being remodeled, a pond, beautiful flowers, and lots and lots of green grass.

I absolutely loved visiting Leeds Castle in Kent, England!! “It [was] so choice. If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.” Originally built in 1119, many famous Kings and Queens lived or stayed at Leeds Castle. When Lady Baillie (1899-1974) became the owner, she restored and remodeled the castle in order to comply with modern building codes. The grounds surrounding Leeds Castle were breathtaking! I wish we had enough time to walk through the outdoor maze, but we didn't. Since Lady Baillie loved birds, a variety of birds lived on the castle grounds. Gorgeous black and white swans covered the ponds. A “normal” peacock was seen, as well as a white peacock.

The first-floor of Leeds Castle was wheelchair accessible and had castle appropriate decorations. For instance, it was common to have a bed, not used for sleeping, in the sitting room. One room displayed what would have been used for bathing. The tour guide explained that Queen Elizabeth only bathed every three months because of the cold air and extreme effort involved in the procedure.

When it came time to tour the second-floor, I watched a video shown to disabled tourists. Since Lady Baillie and her daughters lived on the second-floor of Leeds Castle, all of the rooms were decorated in the 1950s. Lady Baillie designed an emblem for her bathroom towels of a black swan, which are now displayed on all the Leeds Castle brochures. She was filthy rich!

We were happily surprised that the Leeds Castle restaurant was cheaper than the Bath Pump and had better food. My dad and I were delighted with our fish and chips, cooked in a Kent beer batter. I mean, when else was I going to try Kent beer!?!

Nick dropped us off at Harrods, a department store founded in 1834. Upon entering the store, whose site covers 4.5 acres and comprises 330 departments, we saw a memorial to Princess Diana and her fiancé Dodi Al-Fayed, the son of Harrods’ owner. The equivalent of Bloomingdale's in the United States, Harrods’ laughable motto is All Things for All People, Everywhere. We walked through the Food Hall where you can find just about any food or dessert you fancy. We stayed safe and had two chocolate sundaes. It was quite scrummy! Even though my dad asked for extra scoops of ice cream to drip the chocolate sauce over, he still said the chocolate sauce he makes is better!

We woke to rain, which meant time to go to the museum! After an hour of searching through the National Gallery for The Arnolfini Portrait, and only finding portraits of important people in British history, we realized that we were in the National Portrait Gallery instead of the National Gallery where we wanted to be. Just like Rick Steves says, visiting the National Portrait Gallery is just about as exciting as having a gander at someone else's yearbook. Putting faces on famous people like William Shakespeare, the Brontë sisters, and Anne Boleyn is only interesting for a time. I don’t know if what is considered beautiful has changed significantly or if it is because the women do not smile, but a female would be called a minger on the streets of London today.

The National Gallery was much more exciting! We were amazed with works by Leonardo da Vinci, Raphael, and Titian. I came all the way to London to see Jan van Eyck’s The Arnolfini Portrait. Blimey, it’s tiny!! The painting is beautiful, and the rendering is magnificent! All of the tiny details in the mirror are incredible!

If my dad were a Brit, he might have exclaimed ‘Brilliant!’ while viewing the skull in Hans Holbein the Younger’s The Ambassadors. Two mates are surrounded by their interests in this painting. The skull represents mortality.

After lunch at the Texas Embassy, we walked to Winston Churchill’s Cabinet War Rooms, a museum of the underground rooms used by Churchill and his staff during World War II. A concrete reinforcement slab protected rooms, such as, the Churchill’s bedrooms, Chief of Staff conference room, BBC broadcasting room, the Churchill’s kitchen, War Cabinet room, Map room, and Transatlantic & Telephone room. There was a specific telephone used for communicating with the United States, which was scrambled so no one could listen in on the conversation. For that time in history, Jenny was amazed with the Map room. This was a fascinating experience!

We experienced three new things at the Palladium Theatre: we saw The Sound of Music on stage, were escorted through a special door used for movie stars, and were charged for a playbill. Normally in the United States, playbills come with your ticket purchase. Crikey!! Three euros later, I learned that the lead actress (Connie Fisher) was selected from a British television show called How Do You Solve a Problem Like Maria? Similar to American Idol, the audience selected the star of the play.

Yes, I feel a bit daft admitting that I choked-up during the performance of The Sound of Music. I became teary-eyed during the play because 1) Grandma Kent used to watch The Sound of Music numerous times a day while she stayed with us, 2) The Sound of Music reminds me of my childhood when things weren’t so complicated, and 3) the incredible vocals sung by the Mother Abbess. “Climb Every Mountain” is already a powerful song, but when it is beautifully rendered, the words radiate through your body. The Mother Abbess was performed by Margaret Preece, whose voice can be heard in the film The Phantom of the Opera dubbing Minnie Driver as Carlotta.

The next morning we followed marching soldiers to watch the changing of the guards at Buckingham Palace. My parents struggled to keep up with Jenny's long strides as we approached the pavement surrounding Buckingham Palace. Either queues of people were blocking our view or the changing of the guards is done inside so no one can see, because we saw nothing.

Wheelchair users access St. Paul's from the rear of the cathedral and are asked to ring the front desk for admittance. As we walked into St. Paul’s Cathedral, I had to question, ‘who blew off?’ It smelled awful! It was only natural for others to disagree with my nostrils, since the smell of lettuce is offensive to me. I clearly expected the cathedral, in which Prince Charles and Princess Diana were married, to smell better.

Passing on Grease, me mum and dad decided to return to the hotel. When my parents realized the tube was €4 per person, they decided to take a taxi back to the hotel instead. Even though Jenny and I have seen the stage production of Grease before (Brooke Shields is NOT the best singer!), we wanted to see the fun play again. The lady playing Sandy was weak. She was out sung by Rizzo. You could barely hear her over Danny, played by an understudy, during “Summer Lovin’” arguably the best song in the play. The duet wasn’t total pants, but it also wasn’t smashing! Despite all the pervy jokes, we had an enjoyable time. The moral-- if you will-- of the story is rubbish: girls need to change their morals in order to get the guy. So girls, go ahead and get pissed and shag that special someone!

I insisted on walking across the Tower Bridge before leaving London, so a sympathetic sister took me on a 30-minute bus ride to the Tower Bridge. Gotta love Jenny! We waited for the bus (free for wheelchair riders) in a dodgy neighborhood, and had to sit by a nasty piece of work. Even though I was frozen when we returned to the hotel, I was smiling from ear to ear!

Thanks to Jenny and my parents I had a great time visiting London! Well, I should jolly well think so!

~Cheers!

©K. Kent Last Updated: April 4, 2008 Email Kelly Kent